Losing Memory
by reig
Summary: Little pre-4x10..Just a oneshot, based on the promo... How Jane gets his memory back...I suck at summaries, hopefully better inside...


**Hi Everyone, here is my version of 4x10… Well a version based on the promo. Only on the promo… So… This is just the crazy creation of my mind! :) I wanted to make it as good as I could, and I really hope you will like it…Woah, I just saw that this became the longest thing I ever wrote...Hope you don't mind...  
>Thanks for reading!<br>Please enjoy! **

_Disclaimer: I own nothing…_

„Where are you? C'mon! It's not funny!" Lisbon was stumbling in the dark, damp forest. Her eyes searching for any sing that would help her find Patrick Jane. „You know I'm not going to get scared! We don't have time for this, for God's sake we are on a crime scene…We are here to work, not to play hide and seek!" she walked further into the darkness on the path. She barely could see a thing.

He was on the shore of a lake. A little smile was playing on his face as he got ready to make her squeal. He was looking for a place to hide from her when someone pulled him into the cold water.

„Lisbon!" he screamed, he was in the water, suffocating. „Lisbon, here…" he was under the water again. „Help me, Lisbon!" he cried desperately. He felt hands around his neck and he couldn't see anything. He couldn't breathe, water was filling his lungs. He knew he was going to die and he closed his eyes shut. The last thing he could think about was her. Her face, her eyes, her voice in his mind, her smile…

….

She was running. As she would run for dear life. When she heard his shout she could tell from his voice that it's no joke. Her heart was thumping. What if he is in danger? She was running, running… She didn't care about the pain, nor the cuts on her arms from the bushes.

When she noticed him on the top of the water, his eyes were closed, his face white and he wasn't moving. The blood ran cold in her veins.

„No, no! Jane!" she yelled and she threw herself into the water. She feels as if he was getting further away from her in the water. She couldn't get there fast enough. When she reaches him he still doesn't move or breathe. „No, Jane! Do you hear me? Jane!" she tapped his face, her mind racing and she started to pull him out of the water. „I need help now! Help!" she screamed on the top of her lungs. Her voice was high and trembling…

People came and took him out of her weakened arms. She was wet and cold. Ambulance, doctors came. The sound of a defibrillator, beeping, shouts. All of it was a blur. She felt tears running down her cheeks. His shirt got tore open and hands started to push his chest, counting and yelling. She couldn't see or hear anymore. Suddenly she was pulled away from this terrible nightmare by a firm, gentle hand. Cho.

….

She can't lose him! She always thought about him as the annoying consultant, the pain in the ass who pissed her off all the time. Made her crazy with his antics. But now, seeing the possibility of losing him she couldn't think of her life without him.

She needed him. He was a part of her life and she realized she couldn't live without Patrick Jane anymore.

She was sobbing now. Hard, violent sobs, shaking her whole body.

She couldn't help it. Images of his white, motionless body filling her head and her inside ached. Everywhere just pain. Her heart was breaking into millions of little pieces and she let it take over her. She was almost unconscious for half an hour and she only got better a bit when Cho came to her again to tell her in a silent voice that Jane made it. In that moment she closed her eyes and her tears fell again, with more force. She was panting and shaking and she collapsed into Cho's arms, who just held her, saying nothing and she was grateful for it.

_He made it, he's alive…Thank you my God!_ Was all that she could think about.

…..

He was all right! Sleeping in a hospital. In fact in a koma. But he was alive. All that matters…

She sat next to him, watching him closely every second. She was afraid to blink…

After few hours he woke up. When he stirred he looked at her. Confusion was in his eyes and she sat on his bed.

„Hi!" she whispered. She couldn't find her voice and felt her fingers tremble.

„Hello…Ehmm…Why am I in a hospital?" he asks, clearly still wasn't understanding the situation.

„You nearly drowned… Scared the hell out of me…Lucky for you that the docs fixed you! God, you okay?" she manages to smile.

„Yeah…All is little blurry…Aamm…Sorry, but…Are we sleeping together?" he asks shyly.

Her mouth dropped open in shock then a little, rather hysteric laugh escapes her. She and Jane. Ridiculous thought ever. Even if mere hours ago she claimed that she needed him. It didn't meant that she would want to…Did it? Nope, he was just a friend.

„What? No…we are not!" she said in an unbelieving tone. What was up with him? He looked different. Nothing changed in physical things, but the way he smiled, the way he looked at her…It was strange, unfamiliar.

„That's a shame… Because you here, are a pretty little thing…" he winked then he reached out his hand. „Really pretty!" he muttered and traced the line of her cheekbone.

She sucked in a sharp breath and felt shivers go down her spine. Her face went red and goosebumps rised all over her arms. His touch was gentle, caring. Completey not like the Jane she knew…

„You don't know who I am, do you?" she asked, standing up and lifting her eyebrows.

„Nope, but I'm really looking forward to meeting you Miss…" he told her warmly then he realized he didn't know her name.

„Seriously? You can't even remember my name?" she gaped, and felt kind of disappointed.

„I'm sorry.." he said with genuine regret on his features.

„Lisbon… Does it sound familiar?" she asked.

„Lisbon….Lisbon…Oh my God, I think there is something…Wait a minute!" he scratched his head as he thought. The hope rised in her heart. Maybe he remembered her…" I know, there was a place in New Jersey, called Lisbon's where I ate a fantastic muffin…Is it yours? By the way, which state are we in?"

Her face fell and her hope sank. She felt tears in her eyes again though she cried so much in the last hours she thought she would never be able to cry again.

„No, that's not me. And we are still in California…" she told him sadly, fighting with her tears, fighting not to break down in front of him.

„You don't have a bakery?" he tried.

„No, in fact, I can't even make a muffin, or I never tried..Sorry!" she laughed with no humour.

„I'm sorry Lisbon.." he answered sincerely and suddenly she saw the old-Jane she knew in him. He was there, deep down, he just had to remember! But then he looked at her again with that weird stare and 'her Jane' was gone again.

„So…How did I even got here?" he asked and with a sigh, in a few words she explained him what happened. She didn't know how much she can tell him until she spoke to his doctor so when she finished the story about the almost-drowning she excused herself and quickly left the room.

When she finally found his doctor and told him all about the situation he just nodded like he had been expecting this all the way along.

„Temorary loss of personal identity. It can last hours or months or in rare cases years…" the man spoke but after that she didn't hear any of it. Could this really be happening? She just had to accept that the Jane she knew, the Jane she…cared about was gone…That maybe she would never get him back?

„Agent Lisbon? Is there something wrong?" the doctor asked and she couldn't help herself.

„Of course there is someting wrong! Everything is wrong, can't you see?" she snapped and without any more words she turned on her heels and stormed out. She wanted to see Patrick but then she changed her mind. He needed rest and to be honest she really didn't want to talk to him about the whole thing. Not like this. She simply couldn't bear the thought that maybe he will never be the same.

So, she went to the only place that could console her right then. Up to the roof of the CBI. There was a little caffee with the sight of the whole city. It always made her feel free of the world's problems and she really hoped that it will happen this time too.

….

Maybe she should just let it go…Maybe it's how it supposed to be…Maybe this is the universe giving him freedom from his past…Maybe she should be happy for him.

It's been a week since Jane woke up and he didn't get his memories back. He was an absolute other man. He didn't remember the team, his work, not even his family. No Red John, no nightmares. Just the old him. The old con man personality. And he was charming…No other word to describe it. He always grinned at everyone, he told complete cliches and behaved well. _Behaved well_! That wasn't a thing he used to do and she kind of missed his stupid things. Actually, he was always nice with her and the team but it wasn't like him at all. She saw on her team that all of them missed the old Jane.

On the day of his expelling she went to the hospital to drive him home.

„Hi!" she said as she opened his door. He was dressed up in his three piece suit, clean shaven and his hair is in its perfect way.

„Good morning Lisbon!" he grinned at her as he turned towards her. For a second it was like nothing had happened but she had to remind herself that this wasn't the old Jane. He just knew her name because she told him. He knew nothing about her, he wasn't her best friend.

„You ready to leave?" she asked politely. He nodded and she felt an urge to ask him the question she was afraid to know the answer for. „When are you coming back?"

„Back?" clearly he was confused. He didn't even think about the possibility of going back to work.

„I..I just though…that maybe you would come back to…to the CBI…" she muttered, completely embarrassed.

„ Oh no…" he chuckled „I'm done! No more police work…" he shook his head and she couldn't believe her own ears.  
>Was this really happening? This could be the last time she saw Patrick Jane? She blinked back tears and forced a smile on her face.<p>

„Oh..Okay…Well, let me know if you change your mind, or get your mind back!" she told him in the most light voice she could make. She swallowed hard when she saw that he didn1t notice her inner fight. The old Patrick would have noticed it…

„Oh, you don't have to worry about that!" he winked.

„Should we go?" she motioned to the door. She couldn't stand being in the room anymore.

„Yeah…" he nodded and he followed her out of the room.

In minutes they were in her car. He looked around in the SUV and her heart ached at the sight. He looked like he had never seen this car before, but she could remember the fights they had in it, the jokes he told the team, the places they went together.  
>She started the car and drove to his apartment. She wasn't sure if he remembered the place and when they arrived her guess became confirmed. He got out of the car and walked to the door with a confused expression.<p>

„So, I suppose I live here…" he murmured and turned to her „Thank you!"

„You're welcome. I think I should go now, and let you get familiar with the flat again…" she told him and waved goodbye as she got into the car again. He flashed a smile and waved back then not waiting for her car to disappear he went inside.

When he was out of sight Lisbon let out some tears but then wiped her face quickly with her palm and went back to the CBI.

….

When he stepped into the living room he felt like he was a burglar. Sneeking into someone else's apartment… Then he reminded himself that this was his own home. He went to the kitchen and found a pack of tea on the counter. He made a cup of tea and sat down at the table.  
>He found it interesting that even if he didn't know Lisbon he felt some kind of connection to her. His heart ached at the sight of her pained face when he told her that he had no idea who she was. He wanted to pull her into a hug and hold her until she was okay. He didn't know who she was but he wanted to protect her from everything, he wanted to make her smile he wanted to be with her. He was disappointed when she didn't came in and stayed with him. He already missed her, even if he had no clue what she meant to him just days ago.<p>

He sighed a deep then started to think about his life. He had to do something for a living and his best idea was to go back to what he did before the CBI. He pulled out his phone and dialed a number by heart. The phone rang twice before someone answered.

„Hi Billie, it's Patrick…" he said then drank a sip of his tea.

….

A whole month had passed by and Patrick Jane was back at work. And by work he meant being a physic. He was still good and he still gained a fortune. On a Wednesday afternoon he was standing on his porch and he watched as the sun went down when something weird happened. He had a feeling that someone was watching him. He turned back but he saw nothing, then when he looked at the street again he had a flashback. He never had anything like this before and when he saw the unfamiliar room in front of him he was slighly scared that he might went crazy. It was like an attic but he was sure he had never been there before. He saw the whole city from there and the sun was going down above the buildings.  
>He closed his eyes and after some seconds the image was gone. He went inside and decided that he needed rest. Maybe he was just tired that's why he saw such things. He took a shower and went to bed, but he didn't know that this was only the start.<p>

Next morning he woke up, all covered in sweat and he found himself screaming. He dreamt about dead bodies and red painted faces. He heard the sirens of police cars in his ears and for a minute he thought it was real. Then he realized that it was only a dream too. He got out of bed and headed to work. For a difference he drank coffee and when he arrived at work he felt he was okay.  
>He was so wrong. When he entered the building he almost fell to the floor from the flashback. It was pain, lot of pain. All over his body, cutting and sticking. Then it was gone and he heard a familiar voice saying 'You're going to be okay!'. He stumbled to a chair and sat down. He leaned his head in his hands and saw a load of other images. Yellow police tapes, a brown leather couch, blueberry muffin, pizza…. He had no idea how long he sat like that but after a time it stopped again. He felt completely fine again.<br>Work was the same as everyday and he went home with a fear in him. He was afraid of these images. They showed him a familiar, still unknown life. He had the feeling that he had seen them before, like déja-vu, but he knew he hadn't had the chance to see them in his life.  
>Under the shower he heard a soft voice. This time it didn't scare him, he even tried to listen to it instead. It said 'I'm Teresa and this is Patrick…'. He stopped his movements and thought about it. Without any doubts he knew it was about him. And he felt a strange kind of tension in his stomach at the sound of this voice. A woman's voice, a gentle, but strong voice. A voice he knew, a voice he would have recognised in his dreams. But now, he didn't know who it was… He knew, or more felt that he should know it, but he couldn't find the memory in his brain.<br>The realization started to make him dizzy. He leaned on the wall, still in the shower and closed his eyes. His breathing was hard and uneven.  
>Then in a second it all became clear. He knew who owned the voice. It was Lisbon, the cop lady. The woman who was there when he woke up. That beautiful creature who was looking at hopefully. Her sparkling, green, emerald eyes were the first things that he saw when he woke up.<br>He practically ran out of the bathroom, into his room and changed into some comfortable clothes. He went to his car and started the engine. Images of Lisbon and other people filled his mind. He couldn't make connections between them, and he didn't know who they were. The only one he remembered was Lisbon and the only thing he knew that he needed her.  
>He didn't know how he got to her apartment but after 10 minutes of speeding on the streets he noticed the familiar black SUV in front of a house. He smiled to himself silently as he parked the car. He jumped out and jogged to her door. The light was on and at the second knock she opened the front door. Her face was stunned, and stunning. He found it difficult to breathe as he stared at her. How didn't he noticed how beautiful she was? Or did he?<p>

….

When Lisbon opened the door she saw the last person she would have expected to see there. Patrick Jane was standing on her porch, dressed in a jeans and a pullover and he was looking at her with wide eyes. For a moment she was afraid that something else had happened to him and was about to ask when she caught the glimpse of a smile on his features. But it wasn't a mask-smile, it was the old grin that she loved so much. It was the smile she was longing for in the last month. She really thought she would never see him again. She tried to live without him, buut it was hard. And just when she was about to make a little process in that he showed up.

„Jane, what are you doing here?" she asked quietly. Her voice was weak and she felt hidden emotions washng over her.

„I was…I wanted…I…" he muttered. He had no idea how to tell her. Suddenly the stream of images stopped as he was looking into her eyes and he was speechless.

Lisbon stepped closer to him and without thinking she kissed him. He let out a surprised moan but returned the kiss immediately. It didn't last more than a few seconds but it meant the world to Lisbon, and kind of more to Jane. It was like a place to hide, a place where they both could be happy, without consequences, without questions. When she pulled back she was already blushing. He stroked her cheek gently and smiled. It felt like he always knew her.  
>„I don't know why we didn't do this more…often…" the last word came out in a whisper. In that second he had the worst kind of flashback he had ever experienced. It was worse than the one in the morning. There wasn't any physical pain. No. But there was worse. He saw a blond woman and a little, curly girl. Both dead, covered in bloor. Their own blood. Words formed in front of his eyes. <em>Tiger tiger… Red John… <em>_Roy Tagliaferro._ Words that somehow made sense. People's faces who he knew. And lots of memories…Ones which made him smile and ones which made him want to cry like a baby.

He turned on his heels and walked to his car. He heard Lisbon's confused voice calling after him. She was concerned for his sanity and he didn't blame her. But he had to clear his mind. He got into the car and drove away.

….

When she saw his face she knew something was off. He was in pain and she knew it. When he backed away from her and ran through her yard to his car she wanted to go after him. Her already broken heart trembled in her chest and she choked on her tears. She stood in the doorway for longer than she liked to admit and she was crying desperately. Then, exhausted from the day and mostly from the overwhelming happenings from the last half an hour she crawled back into her flat and she collapsed on the couch.

Next morning she felt tired and broken. She had a feeling that she is not going to see him ever again and she had to start her 'recovering' over again. She marched into the office like a zombie. She didn't say 'Good morning' to anyone and she closed the door of her office immediately. She sighed a deep and turned to her desk but stopped dead when she saw that someone else was sitting in her chair. Her heart was racing and she couldn't form a words as she stared at him.

„Are you going to keep staring at me like that or you plan to say anything?" he asked playfully and she opened her mouth.

„What are you doing here?" she asked. Patrick Jane stood up from her chair and shrugged.

„I came to work, just as everybody else here…" he winked.

„What?" she gaped. Her breath hitched in her throat and she couldn't stop the intense heat, the pulsing hope spreading in her heart. _You have to stop this Teresa, you will get hurt really badly… _She reminded herself. „I though you were quitting!" she told him.

„You know I didn't mean that! I've nothing else to do!" he said simply and a memory appeared in her mind. Her eyes went wide open when she remembered the conversation long ago with the exact same words, and as she looked at him she saw it wasn't just by accident.

„Oh my…You remember!" she exclaimed and when he nodded with a huge grin she jumped into his arms. Without further questions she hugged him tighly and she felt happier than ever in her life. She got him back! „You're back…" she murmured into his shoulder and felt that he squeezed her gently to reassure her about that.  
>„I'm back my dear.." he whispered and she laughed airily.<p>

„Oh my God! I can't believe it…" she said after she pulled back. She felt slightly embarassed about her outburst but he didn't seem like he mind it at all. Instead he looked into her eyes seriously and cupped her face.

„I love you Teresa!" he said and kissed her passionately. She was so surprised she almost didn't have time to kiss him back. When he pulled back she raised an eyebrow.

„What the hell Patrick Jane?" she asked. He seemed a little off guard and she saw a little fear in his eyes. She guessed he was afraid that maybe she will punch him.

„I realized I love you in this month… I suppose I knew it for some time I was just too much of a coward to tell you. Yesterday when you kissed me I got my memory back Teresa. You gave my memory back and thank you for that!" he told her all the while glaring into her eyes. She felt weak at the knees from his ocean blue stare. Some moments passed by and when she didn't respond anything he started to get worried that maybe she got shock. Or maybe she was thinking about the best way to kill him. „Lisbon, you okay?" he asked, stroking her face.

„I love you too!" she whispered and kissed him. Her arms sneaked around his neck and when his hand came to rest on her hips she nestled to him even more.

VanPelt poked her head into Lisbon's office and when she saw her boss and Jane kissing she disappeared with a knowing little smile on her face. She returned to the bullpen where Rigsby and Cho were waiting for her with curious eyes.

„Everything is fine!" she showed them a thumb-up and sat back to her desk.  
>Right then, really everything was fine.<p>

**So, what do you think? I hope you liked it…:)  
>Thank you for reading and I would really much appreaciate reviews…You know I love them…;) Please tell if you liked it…or tell me if you didn't…:)<br>Two more days till the new episode and I feel like dying here…Why can't it just be Thursday already? :)**


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